Sometimes my head's just jamed with ideas/things that I feel like I have to write them down before I forget...so here's my todo list
Near future:
1. write thesis
2. write thesis
3. write thesis
4...
5...
6...
7...find a job
Not very near future:
1. Make my blog more readable; sort out articles by categories and languages. (maybe I should creat a different blog at somewhere else. I don't really like this interface here).
2. Form a reading list by purposes-
-for teaching children's literature
-for fun
-for brain exercise
-for headaches
3. Develop new teaching techqiues
-Using corpora
-Using Wiki/blogs
4. Learn simple programming
5. Learn simple image edditing
6. Do painting again
7. Learn to play violin
8. Pick up ASL again
9. Learn Arabic
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
5/20/2006
好像又陷入了完全癱瘓的狀態中…
堆積如山的作業沒改，迫在眉捷的論文截止日期…大大小小的雜事: 備課、寫信給學生提醒下星期的閱讀內容、決定到底要不要去退修會…
我不知道該怎麼走出這種焦慮帶來的無助。NICK這個星期不在，我好像就癱瘓了。我自己也不想要這樣子的啊…我才發現原來自己對他的倚賴這麼深。沒有人可以當我的打氣罐和垃圾筒，也許這個星期到夏威夷去開會，在那裡吃好吃的東西，去海灘閒逛、浮潛、爬山…對他來說是個暫時的放鬆吧…少了一個充滿怨氣的老婆在旁邊哎哎叫…:P
很感謝一些朋友昨天跑來家裡陪我聊天吃飯。AMELIA中午的時候突然打電話來，接下來就帶著午餐出現了。晚上Judy和Calvin這對夫妻檔也出現在我們的公寓裡。本來晚上該是個女生的聚會的，可是只有我Judy和christina有辦法出現。最後我們決定讓自己承認很娘的Cal留下來加入我們女生講些月經生理期之類的女性話題。
Bleach已經進入第七十七集了。我忍了很久就為了等nick回來一起看第七十八集。
這是一部日本的卡通，關於一個少年獲得特別的能力並且成為專收惡靈的死神。聽起真的滿怪力亂神的，不過不知為何就讓我一直看下去。最主要的原因是這個故事有著傳統英雄少年發現自我的典型，一堆像金庸類型的功夫高手(不過這裡是日本武士)加上一堆神似香港功夫片的打鬥鏡頭。故事中的人物主要都是十五歲的高中生。仔細想會覺得自己好像有點倒退了。不過它的人物刻畫還算真實，且具有多樣性…表面正直但是事實上是大壞蛋、表面邪惡但是思想單純、大致正派但是有點怪氣動機不明…
也許真的是在逃避吧…進入想像的世界裡好像容易多了。
我現在已經開始幻想暑假到來，開始列一些讀書清單，想像到時候有空閒了，我要來自修點簡單的程式設計、影像編輯之類的。
堆積如山的作業沒改，迫在眉捷的論文截止日期…大大小小的雜事: 備課、寫信給學生提醒下星期的閱讀內容、決定到底要不要去退修會…
我不知道該怎麼走出這種焦慮帶來的無助。NICK這個星期不在，我好像就癱瘓了。我自己也不想要這樣子的啊…我才發現原來自己對他的倚賴這麼深。沒有人可以當我的打氣罐和垃圾筒，也許這個星期到夏威夷去開會，在那裡吃好吃的東西，去海灘閒逛、浮潛、爬山…對他來說是個暫時的放鬆吧…少了一個充滿怨氣的老婆在旁邊哎哎叫…:P
很感謝一些朋友昨天跑來家裡陪我聊天吃飯。AMELIA中午的時候突然打電話來，接下來就帶著午餐出現了。晚上Judy和Calvin這對夫妻檔也出現在我們的公寓裡。本來晚上該是個女生的聚會的，可是只有我Judy和christina有辦法出現。最後我們決定讓自己承認很娘的Cal留下來加入我們女生講些月經生理期之類的女性話題。
Bleach已經進入第七十七集了。我忍了很久就為了等nick回來一起看第七十八集。
這是一部日本的卡通，關於一個少年獲得特別的能力並且成為專收惡靈的死神。聽起真的滿怪力亂神的，不過不知為何就讓我一直看下去。最主要的原因是這個故事有著傳統英雄少年發現自我的典型，一堆像金庸類型的功夫高手(不過這裡是日本武士)加上一堆神似香港功夫片的打鬥鏡頭。故事中的人物主要都是十五歲的高中生。仔細想會覺得自己好像有點倒退了。不過它的人物刻畫還算真實，且具有多樣性…表面正直但是事實上是大壞蛋、表面邪惡但是思想單純、大致正派但是有點怪氣動機不明…
也許真的是在逃避吧…進入想像的世界裡好像容易多了。
我現在已經開始幻想暑假到來，開始列一些讀書清單，想像到時候有空閒了，我要來自修點簡單的程式設計、影像編輯之類的。
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Women of Juarez
The two days there have been a huge display of T-shirts hanging around Schoenberg Quad. Yesterday I was curious about what's going on and went checking out a bit. It was a project aiming to stop sexual violence.
"Women of Juarez" is just one of thir presented talks. But it is the extreme case of violence against women. Juarez is a boarder city close to Texas, U.S.A. Since 1993, hundreds of women were raped, killed, and dumped in the desert of Chihuahua. Lots of famous international coporations set up their factories around the boarders of the U.S. and Mexico for cheap labors. Even though these factories are basically sweatshops, compared to the even lower income in other places, Juarez attracts lots of labors, especially woman from all over south American. In a place where there's no phone, no friends, no family, but work at a factory, what would happen if you suddenly disappear? Nothing! The city is also full of crime and drugs, like all the other boarder cities, which nurtures the violence against women. Due to bad infrustructures of the city and indifferent government and international companies, these women work on late shifts at night, walking for blocks to a bus stop, and communting at dusk. On their way to work, they got kidnapped, brutally killed, raped and thrown in the desert. No friends to report for their missing or identities. Their family far away in the rurual areas never know what happened to them. No one figured out how many women were being found dead in the desert. Some said a hundred, some said a thousand. But not a single culprit was caught. The police was corrupted and disinterested. I think this is the tragdy for a society where there's no orders and no body really cares. Because everyone is an isolated stranger and they just want to pass by, the cruelty was developing as badly and quickly as violence.
I first learned about the issue when I was in San Diego, roomming with a mexican EAP student, Ilse. She told me about this documentary, "The Lost Women." I didn't get to watch it but I vividly remember Ilse's report from the movie and the workshop she went to. When I went with Int'l Christian Fellowship on a one day project in Tijuna, I also heard similar stories. On the side of the freeway and streets, we often saw graffitti of names and cross and flowers. I couldn't read spanish. But they said they were for people died as victims of murders and crimes.
NPR has a really good report on the issue of sexual assault in Juarez. I also found some more reports on the same issue from a revolutionary communist website. (You can still give credit to them even though they are communists, right?) It's been in a rediculous situation where young girls, students all become victims of sexual crime and the authorities didn't do any thing to stop it. The society blamed these women for their own murder. Violence is being tolerated. Women were afraid. Men could joke like "she'd better be careful not to end up in the desert" when they saw a provocative dressing woman.
I don't know why I always got so pissed off when I read stories like this--people, especially women under oppression. I mean, I already passed that stage of being an angry feminist. I'm not gonna make a conculsion like "it's all because of men." What I feel the most is the injustice, and the sadness toward the inactiveness (within myself and people).
I once (well, couple times) thought of doing something that's women related, like some organization for women under oppression or something. But I was too afraid. I can feel people's pains, and I load them up on myself. That's probably why I can't be a social worker or counselor. Afterall it's a lot easier to stay back reading news, get angry, and ponder on the issue on the bus to school than to actually do anything.
"Women of Juarez" is just one of thir presented talks. But it is the extreme case of violence against women. Juarez is a boarder city close to Texas, U.S.A. Since 1993, hundreds of women were raped, killed, and dumped in the desert of Chihuahua. Lots of famous international coporations set up their factories around the boarders of the U.S. and Mexico for cheap labors. Even though these factories are basically sweatshops, compared to the even lower income in other places, Juarez attracts lots of labors, especially woman from all over south American. In a place where there's no phone, no friends, no family, but work at a factory, what would happen if you suddenly disappear? Nothing! The city is also full of crime and drugs, like all the other boarder cities, which nurtures the violence against women. Due to bad infrustructures of the city and indifferent government and international companies, these women work on late shifts at night, walking for blocks to a bus stop, and communting at dusk. On their way to work, they got kidnapped, brutally killed, raped and thrown in the desert. No friends to report for their missing or identities. Their family far away in the rurual areas never know what happened to them. No one figured out how many women were being found dead in the desert. Some said a hundred, some said a thousand. But not a single culprit was caught. The police was corrupted and disinterested. I think this is the tragdy for a society where there's no orders and no body really cares. Because everyone is an isolated stranger and they just want to pass by, the cruelty was developing as badly and quickly as violence.
I first learned about the issue when I was in San Diego, roomming with a mexican EAP student, Ilse. She told me about this documentary, "The Lost Women." I didn't get to watch it but I vividly remember Ilse's report from the movie and the workshop she went to. When I went with Int'l Christian Fellowship on a one day project in Tijuna, I also heard similar stories. On the side of the freeway and streets, we often saw graffitti of names and cross and flowers. I couldn't read spanish. But they said they were for people died as victims of murders and crimes.
NPR has a really good report on the issue of sexual assault in Juarez. I also found some more reports on the same issue from a revolutionary communist website. (You can still give credit to them even though they are communists, right?) It's been in a rediculous situation where young girls, students all become victims of sexual crime and the authorities didn't do any thing to stop it. The society blamed these women for their own murder. Violence is being tolerated. Women were afraid. Men could joke like "she'd better be careful not to end up in the desert" when they saw a provocative dressing woman.
I don't know why I always got so pissed off when I read stories like this--people, especially women under oppression. I mean, I already passed that stage of being an angry feminist. I'm not gonna make a conculsion like "it's all because of men." What I feel the most is the injustice, and the sadness toward the inactiveness (within myself and people).
I once (well, couple times) thought of doing something that's women related, like some organization for women under oppression or something. But I was too afraid. I can feel people's pains, and I load them up on myself. That's probably why I can't be a social worker or counselor. Afterall it's a lot easier to stay back reading news, get angry, and ponder on the issue on the bus to school than to actually do anything.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
快要結束的研究所生涯與讓人跳腳的論文
其實讓人跳腳的是我自己…
常常在想，如果我的神經大條一點，對自己的要求低一點，會不會我最後一個學期的生活會自在一點?
論文讓我碰觸到生命中很多的弱點。到目前為止，沒有任何裁判，指導教授從未說過任何重話，每次見面總是討論我的研究和進度，論文可以寫些什麼。可是為什麼我還是充滿不安，覺得自已什麼都不懂，什麼都不會。以前那種自信都不見了。我覺得我像把自己放在解剖台上，又像是在用顯微鏡在看自己臉上的紋路，然後越看越難過。
這跟教學不一樣。我可以知道學生的反應，到底我做得好不好。但是我也知道我如果做不好，我會比學生還難過…
我都忘了上一次快樂的討論有趣的題目是什麼時候了。好像討論別人的題目特別好玩，叫我講自己的題目，總覺得沒有人在意，沒有人會願意聽。事實上世界上百分之九十九點九的人不會在意我做的題目到底有什麼意義。真正在意的人，只有我自己而已。好像獨自站在一個高塔上，我沒有同伴，也聽不到掌聲。我意識到我真是個脆弱的人。而我也好在意擁有別人的肯定。
難道這就是研究的生活嗎? 還是我潛在的那個自我意識有了偏差，以致於我會想要尋求掌聲。
我不知道…
常常在想，如果我的神經大條一點，對自己的要求低一點，會不會我最後一個學期的生活會自在一點?
論文讓我碰觸到生命中很多的弱點。到目前為止，沒有任何裁判，指導教授從未說過任何重話，每次見面總是討論我的研究和進度，論文可以寫些什麼。可是為什麼我還是充滿不安，覺得自已什麼都不懂，什麼都不會。以前那種自信都不見了。我覺得我像把自己放在解剖台上，又像是在用顯微鏡在看自己臉上的紋路，然後越看越難過。
這跟教學不一樣。我可以知道學生的反應，到底我做得好不好。但是我也知道我如果做不好，我會比學生還難過…
我都忘了上一次快樂的討論有趣的題目是什麼時候了。好像討論別人的題目特別好玩，叫我講自己的題目，總覺得沒有人在意，沒有人會願意聽。事實上世界上百分之九十九點九的人不會在意我做的題目到底有什麼意義。真正在意的人，只有我自己而已。好像獨自站在一個高塔上，我沒有同伴，也聽不到掌聲。我意識到我真是個脆弱的人。而我也好在意擁有別人的肯定。
難道這就是研究的生活嗎? 還是我潛在的那個自我意識有了偏差，以致於我會想要尋求掌聲。
我不知道…
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