Master Cleanse Action-Day 5

Romans 14:22-23 "So whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves."

I have been feeling emotional ups and downs due to the MC. The first three days were the hardest, having cravings all the time. I felt frustrated with myself because I chose to do this but I couldn't keep up with it too well. I could have stopped any time, but then I felt like I had to go on.

My biggest fear during MC is the feeling of hunger. I had very low tolerance for hunger. I know people get grumpy if they are hungry. But whenever I feel hungry, there's a deeper fear that drives me to eat immediately (if I am allowed to), even it's in the middle of the night. I'm not over-weight so I know it's okay to do so.

With hunger, it's a mixed feeling.

I remember my first chemo. My brother brought my favorite comfort food-chicken curry take out (from a Japanese restaurant we used to frequent), to the hospital. I remember vividly, that I looked at the once my favorite food, totally having no appetite at all. At that moment I was trying to remember what else I would like to eat. But all the food on my favorite list seemed to lose their tastes. That was a scary thing to find out. I didn't even feel hungry given the fact that I had nothing in my stomach for days. Eating was painful because my body totally rejected intake of food.

My appetite usually came back couple days after the therapy. I kinda built up a way of "nurturing" the thought of eating by imagining the food, and the taste. Even though I might throw up due to the effect of medication, I would force myself down some food (usually by the urge of my mom. :p).

I guess the master cleanse brings up some unhappy food memory from me, especially the long count-down of the days left. That was exactly what I used to do, when I was having chemo and waiting for the days to pass by.

Today I read in Romans 12, about the dispute on food that Paul was trying to settle with the Romans. It's not exactly like my situation, but I feel encouraged. I know if I drop it today, I don't have to feel bad like I abandon an opportunity for better health, or I'm just simply not hard willed person. Nor should I feel condemned if I continue but still wanting to break it (which I know I will). I feel God has given me the freedom to choose what I approve is the best way.

Anyways, I still couldn't decide whether I want to quit or not, up till this moment.

Today I made 105 oz of lemonade. But I think my body doesn't need it as much as the days before so I probably won't drink it all.